Saturday, July 23, 2011

Unbreak My Heart

Let every bird, every gecko, every squirrel or large bug be on notice....there is a vicious watch dog on duty in my back patio yard!   lol.  Stanley makes it his personal contribution to the household to keep the back patio clear of all living beings other than the trees, flowers, plants and him.  ha!

I have trees in large pots and in one of the trees a bird has built a nest.  Well, when I'm out on the patio the bird's mate (may be the bird-mom) leaves the nest and sits on the high back wall chirping at me to get me to move away from the tree.  As if, right?  Then comes along Stanley barking at the little bird sitting on the wall.  As I move about...the bird moves about...then Stanley moves about.  It is a synchronized patio dance, let me tell you.  Actually, it is far more noise than I want on my back patio and that bird's nest may find itself moved.  (sneaky laugh)  I'll wait for the eggs to hatch, the birds to fly away and the nest to be vacated, though.  Next nest!

I have two extra large umbrellas but I need a third one because the sun is so intense it is burning all of my green stuff.  I buy the umbrellas with official Sun-brella material and rolling bases....cha-ching!  Oh, the joy and expense of owning a home...gotta love it.  Actually, I LOVE my back patio yard...absolutely love it.  It has everything that pleases me about a patio yard and I just look out through the back side of my house (the back side is glass) and smile.  I am happy in a quiet, still way.

This morning Stanley and I went for a walk before 7am and the morning scent and air were beautiful.  The air was filled with nature's scent and, oh, it was so pretty.  As a little girl a family friend took us to Boyd, Texas once a month and I distinctly recall the smell of country air.  Hay, dirt, water, fields of grass...simply stir and then add dew.  ha.  The fragrance always has stayed with me and in the early morning I get the same lovely bouquet at my house.  So many times I say, "Thank you, God," as I walk with Stanley.

I've had Stanley for ten months...10 months!, but it seems like he's been with me forever.  I have a little glimpse of how a parent feels when his/her child leaves home.  The empty feeling in your heart.  You feel almost sick.  Like grieving.  Life is a cycle of new, grow, old and new again.  If only our hearts could detach from some of the cycles of life it would make it easier.  Unfortunately, our hearts are part of the cycle because it too expands, suffers loss, heals and begins again.

As time goes by, I realize how much I need my sister, Renee.  If she were living, she and I would be closer friends than she and I were before she died.  As children she and I were best friends, as we grew and started our own life stories we grew apart a little...she got married and then had children, and I studying all of those years in school after school.  The next thing I know I receive a call from her telling me that she has been diagnosed with breast cancer.  Oh God!...not my sweet, sweet sister.

(Taking a deep breath and closing my eyes.)

Bringing it forward eight years, I now have a little dog who is my companion.  Devoted, sweet, needy (lol), and a source of unconditional love and tail-wagging.  It is because I have suffered loss that my heart swells with love for Stanley.  I am aware that our time together is but a moment in time and I don't want to grow apart...I don't want to have a day go by that I didn't savor the gift that such a little dog is to me.....

Well, I have to go now.  Stanley is practically sitting on top of the laptop...wanting me to pet him.  LOL.  Yes, this is Stanley in true form.  If I am at home, in his mind it is because I am there to give him my undivided attention until we close our eyes at bedtime.  Well, of course, Stanley!...what else do I have to do today except cater to you.  ha ha.  Anyway, thanks for reading this blog and hearing me today.  If I were there I would hug you and say thanks.